9 MORE DAYS, OR, PLEASE LEAVE MY SISTER THE FUCK ALONE - THE SEQUEL

Okay, so here are the two things that prompted my outburst to begin with. Two things that happened to my sister within 24 hours of each other which, frankly, are just not fair. These could be the subsequent chapters in my book, Wedding Etiquette 101.

Chapter 2 - If you are a Wedding-Related Vendor, show respect to your bride(s).

My very first customer service job was for BayBank, which has since been replaced by Bank Boston, Fleet, and most recently Bank of America. One of my trainers taught me a valuable concept in the art of customer service which I think too many service-people out there have not grasped: just because your customer may be the hundredth customer you have dealt with that day, this is their first and one and only dealing with YOU today, and YOU represent this company. Treat EACH AND EVERY customer as though they are your only customer, and as though they are your only priority. You want them (leaving the store / hanging up the phone) reflecting on what great service you provided them with, EVEN IF YOU WERE UNABLE TO RESOLVE THEIR ISSUE.

Why don't more service-oriented professions get this?

Particularly, if you work in the wedding industry? And particularly particularly, if you work directly with brides?

My sister is getting married at a hotel in central Massachusetts. The ceremony happening in the same location as the reception. There is a woman who works for the hotel acting as wedding coordinator for the whole night - ceremony, reception, the works. She and Cheryl have communicated every detail of this wedding back and forth through numerous phone calls, emails, and face-to-face meetings over the past year. Cheryl has told me time and time again how much faith she has in this woman, how great she has been through this whole process.

Well...Monday morning my sister found out that she resigned from the hotel the previous Friday night, and that she was gone, without a word.

Granted, the reason she resigned is her own personal business; people quit jobs every day for numerous reasons. I have no problem with that. And although the timing sucks for my sister, there would have been no "good" time for this woman to resign - after all, every weekend is SOMEONE'S wedding. I keep thinking about the poor brides whose weddings were last weekend. Yikes.

But she had spoken with my sister a day or two before Friday. She is in the wedding business; it is her responsibility to know how to handle brides, especially brides who are within two weeks of their big day. All I am saying is that after she resigned, she could have at the very least called my sister or sent her a quick email. Anything. My sister spent Monday hunting her down, because for the first time in this WHOLE process she was not responding to an email that had been sent on Friday. It was unlike her not to reply; finally, someone else from the hotel called and informed my sister that a new person would be taking over.

Brides may be your business, and you may deal with two or three brides per weekend every weekend of your life. But, to each and every woman out there getting married, this day only comes once in a lifetime (hopefully!), and for many women it is a day they have dreamed about since they were a little girl. Curveballs are to be expected during last-minute wedding preparations, but it is how a vendor delicately handles the curveballs THEY are responsible for that makes all the difference. Gosh, it just frustrates me so much. Before my wedding, I had to have Anthony call and threaten the photographer because I had called him no less than fifteen times, asking him to confirm that we were all set, and he could not be bothered to return ONE of my phone calls. (He promptly called my husband back when he got his voicemail of "would you explain to me why my future bride is hysterically on the brink of tears because you cannot do her the common courtesy of a return phone call? THIS is what we are paying you for?") Wedding vendors should treat each and every bride as if they are the one-and-only, most important bride in the world. If you cannot do that, you should not be in the wedding business - period.

We are meeting with the hotel's new coordinator tomorrow to get them up to speed on what our expectations are for next Sunday. We're all crossing our fingers; however, it should all be fine. I just don't think my sister appreciated the manner in which this woman was able to let her know every single detail along the way, except for the one detail that, at this juncture, mattered the most.

Chapter 3 - If you are friends with or a relative of the bride, be nice to her - no matter what.

Gosh.

Maybe I need to rework the title of that chapter, because it makes it sound like I am asking you to tiptoe around a bridezilla. And yes, although you should do that too, that is not what I mean.

What I mean is, be nice to a bride. Be extra nice to a bride. Don't create extra drama for a bride. Don't pick fights with a bride.

Just don't. It isn't nice, it isn't fair. And (how many times have I said this already?) the bride's wedding ISN'T ABOUT YOU!

I remember a couple of days before my sister Eileen's wedding, her cell phone rang. She answered it and realized that it was her future sister-in-law, and that the sister-in-law accidentally dialed her cell phone while driving and had no idea she had made a phone call. The worst part about it, was that she was in her car (I think with the OTHER future sister-in-law) and they were bad-mouthing Eileen. I don't know if one of them thought Eileen was being rude to Kevin (their brother, her future husband) or what, but there they were, calling Eileen a bitch and going off on her, and Eileen was eavesdropping on the whole conversation.

Can you IMAGINE? Like that is JUST what Eileen needed two days before her wedding. (For the record, Eileen confronted them, they had a big episode of shouting and then crying and then hugs and kisses - but it was absolutely NOT any kind of drama that should have been happening to a bride).

So, the other thing that happened to Cheryl earlier this week was this: a girlfriend of hers got married three months ago. This girlfriend did not have the supportive family that Cheryl has and basically was 100% on her own to plan and finance her wedding. Therefore it had to be a low-budget affair and there was much, much work to do. Cheryl and another girlfriend offered up their help. Keeping in mind that Cheryl had her own wedding planning going on, she unselfishly put her plans aside to help this girl pull her wedding off. She made favors; she made and assembled wedding programs. She planned, paid for, and hosted her shower (she was not, mind you, a bridesmaid or maid-of-honor). She decorated the reception hall. She was the photographer the day of the wedding. She and this other girlfriend did QUITE a lot for this other girl; if it weren't for them, the wedding wouldn't have been pulled off.

So how does this bride show her gratitude? Well, she started giving my sister a hard time that "she hasn't been hanging out with her much" lately and that Cheryl wasn't being a good friend. My sister explained that her wedding was in 12 days, and that much like HER wedding, there was A LOT left to do and that she was kind of busy. There would be plenty of opportunity for them to "hang out" after the wedding, but right now there was a lot of work left to do. (Side note: this girl did not offer one bit of help to Cheryl).

So, instead of being mature and understanding, she called my sister a selfish bitch. Not only that, she informed her that she and her husband would not be coming to the wedding, because "she no longer feels comfortable around her."

Can you say, psycho-bitch from hell?

Let me just say that if I had a way to get in touch with this girl I would give her such a bitch-slap she'd be bruised for a year. What an immature baby. This is the classic case of a self-centered idiot who can't handle the fact that the focus isn't on her anymore. She can't share the spotlight. She was so grateful when Cheryl and the other girl were doting all over her for her wedding, but now that it is time for someone else's big day, she can't handle it. Perhaps she is jealous, because Cheryl's wedding WILL be such a great event, and Cheryl has had so much support from her family and friends that this girl did not have. I don't know. All I know is, if you are a friend, you don't pull this kind of shit before their wedding.

My cousin got married and her younger sister wanted to catch the bouquet and expected her sister to toss it in her direction - which she did - but someone else caught it. So the little sister threw a temper-tantrum, and got mad and screamed at her sister (the BRIDE) in the middle of the wedding.

Again, an example of a person who doesn't understand that someone else's wedding isn't about THEM.

Is it me? Do I just know horrible people? Or does everyone do this? And if everyone does this, WHY DO THEY DO IT?

Please just do me a favor. Please. If you know a bride, be nice to her. EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT, BE NICE TO HER.

And my sister absolutely deserves niceness. I'm going to try my hardest to give her extra niceness to make up for the shit that has been going on lately.

What is WRONG WITH PEOPLE???????

(Okay - I think I am done with this rant for now. Although, there are still nine days until the wedding, so God knows what else may happen between now and then!)

I'M SORRY

I apologize for my earlier rant. I was pretty pissed off.

My sister, this morning, told me two things that happened to her in the last twenty-four hours with relation to her wedding (in 11 days) that made me feel bad for her. I was upset for her, pissed that the occurances happened, and I went off in my blog.

So I am sorry.

That being said, there WILL be a follow up post, because I am still pissed (but have calmed down significantly). But not now, later. I've got wedding related tasks to work on right now, and at the moment it is vital that I work on those instead of blogging.

11 MORE DAYS, OR, PLEASE LEAVE MY SISTER THE FUCK ALONE

My baby sister's wedding is in 11 days. Hopefully I won't kill someone on her behalf before then.

Having planned my own wedding, and assisted in the planning of both of my sisters' weddings, I feel like I've done it and seen it all. I feel like writing a book, entitled "Wedding Etiquette 101". I mean, seriously, what the FUCK is wrong with people? Really! I used to give people the benefit of the doubt and say "they've probably never planned a wedding themselves, so they don't GET it, and THEY'LL GET THEIRS when it is their turn." But more and more, I am seeing idiocy coming from people that I know for a FACT have thrown weddings themselves. I think the world is just getting increasingly self-centered and inconsiderate, and it pisses me off to no end.

(Cheryl, if you are reading my blog right now, please stop. Come back and read this entry AFTER the wedding, as I don't want to add to your stress and get you even more riled up. Seriously.)

My book would go something like this:

Chapter 1: WHAT DOES RSVP MEAN? When you are the ones planning a bridal shower, and you invite 40 people and the day AFTER the RSVP date you have only heard from 12 people, it is a little frustrating to say the least. An RSVP date is there for a reason. It means the people hosting the event need to know if you will be in attendance by the date on the invitation. Make sure you call them and let them know. To have to call more than two-thirds of the people invited is an awful lot of extra work. Half the time, you get voicemail when you call. And to top it off, half of those called don't call back and now you literally have to hunt them down just to find out something they should have had the common courtesy to do themselves. Has no one else out there ever thrown a shower or a party? Places need HEAD COUNTS. You pay for food based on the number of attendees. No one wants to pay for food for 40 if only 20 people are coming, that is just wasteful both in food and finances. And that is just the shower.

If you get invited to a wedding, RSVP ON TIME! You literally have NO EXCUSE NOT TO. A wedding invitation usually comes with a card for you to mail back saying whether or not you will be invited. Usually, you are given a MONTH from the time you get the invitation to reply. 30 days should be plenty of time to WRITE YOUR NAME on a card, check the box that says whether you are coming or not, and mail it. Hell, the bride and groom already STAMPED THE FUCKING ENVELOPE FOR YOU. How rude or lazy must you be to not RSVP to a wedding on time? I mean, seriously. After all, the Bride and Groom have nothing really going on one month before their wedding and have nothing better to do than to start calling fifty or so people who couldn't be bothered to mail back their reply. At $75 a head, which is definitely a common rate, it is critical to know WHO IS and WHO IS NOT attending a wedding.

And another thing, if you say you are coming, COME. And don't waffle. Don't, under ANY circumstance, mention to the bride or groom "well I THINK I am coming but I am not 100% sure, I may have to let you know as it gets closer." NO NO NO! If you cannot commit by the RSVP date, then do the couple a favor and reply as a "no." And if you reply "yes," unless you are hit by a truck and are in the emergency room on the day of the wedding, you have no excuse not to show up. Most people that I know do not have an extra $75 to throw away. By saying you are going to attend a wedding and not showing, you are doing that to the couple - they have already paid for you to be in attendance, and that is money down the toilet.

Why is it that more people don't get this? Why? Aren't we a civilized nation? When did we become such a bunch of colossal ignorami?

If you are invited to a wedding, do not "write in" the name of the guest you are bringing, UNLESS YOUR INVITATION WAS ADDRESSED TO YOU 'AND GUEST.'" If the invitation is sent to YOU, that means that YOU alone are invited, and the couple cannot spring an extra $75 for you to bring a date, no matter how important it might be to YOU to bring a date. If the couple invited 200 guests, and half of those guests were single, and they took it upon themselves to bring dates, there would now be 300 people coming to a wedding that the couple budgeted their finances to accomodate 200 guests. And if you don't like it, that you were not allowed to bring a guest, TOUGH! The wedding is not about you, it is about the Bride and Groom, and therefore you should deal with it. Likewise, if you are a couple and you are invited, don't assume you can bring your children. If the children are invited, that information will be clear on the invitation. If there is no mention about your children, then guess what? Your children aren't invited. Some people feel that children do not belong at weddings, that they are an adult-oriented event. Whether or not you agree with that is not the point, because a wedding is about what the COUPLE wants, not what the guests want. There is no chance in hell that the bride and groom can please the wants and desires of over 100 different guests. So when you are invited to a wedding, try to remember that it isn't about you.

I had an invited guest of my wedding violate two of these rules. First, she RSVP'd with a date, when she had been invited single. As it turns out we had a couple of "no's" so I called her and said it would be all right if she brought a date. Then, one day before my wedding, she called to say that unfortunately she couldn't come. At that point, we had already paid the final tab at the Country Club, so at $85 per person we were out $170. Rude. Although, hey, at least she called. Nothing boiled my blood more than to walk over to the table with the place cards and see five of them still sitting there halfway into the wedding - people who said they were coming and were "no shows" the day of.

Why do people suck so much?

Gosh, this isn't even the number one thing that prompted me to write this post! Future chapters to come over the next few days. Let me tell you, May 28th cannot get here soon enough.

Don't get me wrong, I am completely excited and looking forward to the wedding, it is going to be awesome. But I just want some of those idiots out there to back off of my sister and give her some space and some peace. Her wedding is in 11 days, she is majorly stressed out about it, and people are fucking morons.

*sigh*

BRITNEY, BRITNEY, BRITNEY....

(I couldn't find a bigger, clearer picture, so if anyone can tell me where to find a better one, please do.)

Okay, so I am about to do something very unlike me. I am about to defend Britney Spears.

I know, I know. You are thinking that the world has gone mad, that Hell has frozen over, but first please hear me out.

I still think that Britney is trashy and is dumb as rocks - don't get me wrong. And no doubt, by now you've seen this latest blunder of hers all over the news. But I actually wanted to open this up for debate, because if I am wrong in defending Mrs. K-Fed I REALLY want to know. Really, I do!

MY understanding, being a first-time mom who has NEVER raised a child before, is that a baby is supposed to ride in a rear-facing child seat until the age of one OR until the child has outgrown said child seat. In fact, the other day I was commenting to Anthony that Amanda is growing so big, so fast, that she is going to outgrow both the height and weight limit on her infant carrier very soon.

The Graco travel system infant carrier that we currently use has all the instructions clearly marked on the side, and it says if the child weighs more than 22 pounds or is more than 29 inches tall, they should no longer be placed in the carrier. Amanda, at only 5 months of age, is 16 pounds (and counting) and is a lengthy 25 1/2 inches (she only fits in 6-9 month clothing due to her length). Another 3 1/2 inches of growth and it is considered UNSAFE for her to ride in the rear-facing infant seat. Another seven pounds, and she is too heavy. The way my kid eats and grows, she could be too big for this car seat by the time she is eight months old - seriously.

My Godchild Kayleigh, who is very petite, exceeded the weight limit on her infant carrier about a month or so before her first birthday. And so my sister and her husband switched to the next car seat appropriate to SAFELY accomodate a child of her weight and length - a FORWARD-FACING convertible car seat. Yes, Kayleigh was facing forward before her first birthday. And I am almost certain that Amanda will be, too.

I mean, think about it...when the clock strikes midnight on December 8th of this year, my baby wouldn't suddenly overnight be ready for a different car seat. She will be ready for it when her height, weight, and safety factors dictate so. And if those factors hit before her first birthday, so be it.

What I am trying to say is, Sean-Preston-Spears-Federline-whatever-the-hell his name is is nine months old. It is POSSIBLE that the kid is over 29 inches tall. Or that he weighs more than 22 pounds. Or both. It is very plausible that, at nine-months old, he is sitting in an appropriate, safe car seat for a baby his SIZE, not his calendar age. Maybe the fucking paparazzi could, for once, give the girl a moment's peace and stop creating stories where there are none. Being a new mom myself, I am starting to empathize with her just a tiny, tiny bit.

I think ANYONE who is a parent for the first time probably has moments here and there where they screw up, make a mistake, bump the kid's head taking them out of the swing (done it), accidentally got the baby's finger caught while trying to buckle them into the stroller (done it), and once we frantically realize "Hey, I screwed up with my BABY" and we check to be sure that the kid is fine, we sigh a BIG sigh of relief and inside, chuckle to ourselves and say "well thank GOD no one saw me do that." Anyone who claims they never had a moment like this with their first child is outright lying. Parents, ESPECIALLY new parents, are human. We make mistakes. Accidents happen, especially with babies. They are unpredictable, for novice parents and veteran parents alike.

The problem with Britney is that she doesn't get to have those moments of "phew, thank God no one saw me do THAT." And I feel bad for her just a little bit about that. If I screw up with Amanda, it is my business. If she screws up with her child, it is on the cover of every tabloid newspaper for the whole world to see. Granted, she has 70 gagillion dollars, and so some would say that is a fair trade-off, that the girl has no right to privacy. But what about the child? Does HE have any right to privacy? He has no idea who he was born to, nor did he ask for this attention. He's a baby. He's innocent in this media circus. I wish that the paparazzi could be human for one second (impossible) and remember that fact.

When she drove with him on her lap, that was a HUGE error in judgement, but I would like to think that she learned a lesson from all the bad press she got from that. When the kid's high-chair collapsed and he bumped his head, that sounds like it was an ACCIDENT. And really, it should be no one's business because it happened in the privacy of her own home and the doctors concluded that it was indeed an ACCIDENT.

This latest car-seat thing, though, is pushing it. It seems like the world is determined to present Britney as a horrible, immature mom. Maybe she is, but maybe, just maybe, she isn't. Maybe she is doing the best she can and is making mistakes here and there, as all parents do. But in this case, this does not appear to be a mistake to me. I don't THINK she is doing anything wrong if the baby is the right size for a forward-facing car seat. The papers said the seat is facing the wrong way; in fact, it is not, because I have that exact model car seat for when Amanda graduates to forward-facing (yikes, do Britney and I have the same taste?) and that car seat is, in fact, installed properly. She isn't some idiot who plopped the car seat into the back facing the wrong way. If they are going to create a story, they ought to get the facts right.

If anything, my only concerns for baby Sean when looking at the photo is that it doesn't look like his restraints are on him tightly enough, based on how forward-slumped he appears. Also, I personally don't like riding in the back seat of a convertible as an ADULT due to all the wind, so I can't imagine that is too pleasant an experience for the baby. Not to mention if the vehicle was in an accident and flipped. (Precisely why we got rid of our convertible before Amanda arrived). Why aren't either of these issues addressed in ANY of the articles I have seen today? Driving a baby improperly buckled in the back seat of an open-air convertible seems much more harmful than putting him in a forward-facing seat, if indeed he is the proper size for that seat.

I don't know. I guess I could be wrong.

Would love to hear from all those NEW and EXPERIENCED parents out there - what do you think?

THOUGHTS ON THE SERIES FINALE OF 'THE WEST WING'

Oh holy hell!

You mean to tell me that Martin Sheen isn't REALLY the President of the United States? And George W. is??

Oh, dear....

MY FIRST MOTHER'S DAY

My first mother's day was as extra-special as I could ever have hoped for. Even now, I am supposed to go take a nap while Anthony feeds the baby!

So, not wanting to waste one second of my free nap time, I want to wish all the mothers, grandmothers, mothers-to-be and MOST especially all the mothers-in-waiting a very Happy Mother's Day. As I know, you don't have to have a child to be a good mother. Being a good mom is something that is in your heart, it only becomes visible to the outside world once that child has enterred the world. A good mother longs for her children years before they ever arrive. A good mother loves her child, whether that child can be given a kiss on the cheek, or whether that child is a faceless glimmer in her mother's eye. Happy Mothers Day to all of you.

I am going to take my much needed nap now and PRAY that this Sunday goes much better than last Sunday did!