AMANDA'S GREAT-GRANDMOTHER
Amanda is 3 weeks old today. And today, her only Great-Grandparent passed away. And they never had a chance to meet each other.
Anthony's Grandmother has been very sick for a long time. Her failing health has caused many of us to fear that her death was imminent for several years now. But her will to live was stronger than her diabetes, stronger than her legal blindness, stronger than her legs that failed on her and made her unable to walk without excruciating pain, stronger than her weakening heart muscles. A little over four years ago, Anthony and I were hoping that she would still be around for our wedding. Not only was she, but she attended the wedding AND walked down the aisle - which was no small feat. The woman couldn't take any steps without the aide of a walker, and yet arm in arm with her son, Anthony's father, she walked without that walker down the aisle of the church in which we were married - a church with a 125 foot long aisle - a long walk for me, the nervous bride, let alone for someone whose legs no longer functioned well.
Not long after our wedding, we decided we wanted children and told Anthony's grandmother that we were going to start working on that. As you all know, that goal took longer to fulfill than planned. Every time we would visit with her, she would ask how things were going on that front, and would tell us that she was praying to God for us. She was a very religious Roman Catholic, straight from Italy, and yet she was incredibly open-minded. We discussed IVF and our possible plans to adopt from China with her, and she was incredibly supportive, even though true and devout Catholics are opposed to IVF. All she wanted was for us to have a child.
Recently, her health has been deteriorating at a much quicker pace than ever. As our due date approached, we selfishly kept saying aloud "we hope she gets to meet her great-granddaughter." Sadly, though she had been sharp as a tack in the 9 years that I knew her, she was starting to forget things and to be in and out of consciousness. When people would go visit her lately at the rehab center, they never knew which Grandma they were going to get - a lucid one or a drowsy, almost comatose one. The Sunday after Amanda was born, Anthony's Dad went to visit her and brought photos of the baby. It happened to be a "good" day, and using a magnifying glass (again, she is legally blind at this point) she was able to look at all the photos of her one and only Great Grandchild. She was so incredibly happy for us and told everyone how beautiful Amanda is.
We planned to go visit her as soon as possible, but it was suggested that we wait until January, until the baby was a LITTLE older. After all, a hospital is really no place for a newborn to be visiting. But in the back of my mind, I knew that "waiting until January" was taking a huge gamble that these two people would never meet.
Regardless, I am so glad I got to meet her and got to spend the time with her that I did over the past nine years. She was an amazing woman, and Anthony and I will tell Amanda stories about her as she grows older. Some day, I will teach Amanda how to make Grandma's gravy ("gravy" is what true Italians call pasta sauce) - to this day, it is the ONE food I can prepare well - Anthony even told me the last time I made it that it is "almost" as good as when Grandma makes it. This recipe came from HER mother, from Italy. It is one thing I can pass along to Amanda from her great-grandmother.
Everyone is really sad today, but amidst all the sadness is an underlying feeling of happiness. For one thing, this day has been upon us for YEARS - in one way, there is a little relief that it is over, all of Grandma's pain and suffering she has endured for so long. And she missed her husband SO MUCH, and so we are happy that she is now with him again.
And Amanda is, according to her Grandpa, a really happy thing in the midst of all this sadness. Anthony's dad has been going to visit his mother every Sunday for as long as any of us can remember. He asked us if, this Sunday, he could come over to visit with his granddaughter.
But of course.
I believe that life is cyclical. As we lose one important person in our lives, we gain another. I met Anthony one week after my grandfather passed away. And just as we are losing Anthony's grandmother, we have gained this little beauty. I think part of Grandma's spirit will live on in little Amanda.
