MY APOLOGIES

I hate that I haven't been posting lately. Hate it. I miss my blog. I miss my friends in the computer. I really, really do.

It is just that work has been absolutely insane lately. I take comfort in the fact that I only have 2 1/2 weeks left, but in the meantime things are incredibly busy in the office right now and there is no avoiding it. I keep reminding myself that I am in the home stretch.

Keeping in mind that with my commute, I spend nearly 3-4 hours a day in the car, and the long 8 hour (sometimes more) work day is exhausting beyond all belief, the truth is I roll into the house between 6:30PM and 7:00PM and I am SO TIRED I can barely muster the energy to have dinner. I force something down quickly and go to bed, to start it all again in the morning.

I have NO ENERGY AT ALL these days. I am, after all, 36 (!!!!) weeks pregnant. We are so close I can feel it. It is thrilling but exhausting, and I must say I am anxious to be done with being pregnant. For something I wanted for so long, I am ready to have my body go back to normal again, if there is such a thing as "normal" after pregnancy.

I hardly sleep at night these days. Between the size of my belly (XXXXX-Large), the charlie horses I get in my calves that make me have to jump up and run around the room, the 24/7 heartburn that just kills my esophagus, and the occassional dizzy spells, rest is hard to come by. Everyone chuckles and reminds me that it is God's way of preparing us for the sleepless nights ahead. Great. I feel so bad for Anthony, too, because he is such a light sleeper and every time I move or jump out of bed due to my legs, or go pee for the millionth time, it wakes him up. *sigh*. I wish at least one of us could be getting rest these days.

But it is all good. It probably sounds like I am complaining right now, but not at all. Quite the contrary. I am as content as content can be.

Believe it or not I am actually a little sad that work is ending soon. In hindsight, it was such a good choice for me to go back to work at this company. For one thing, I made more money this past year, which is always good. But more importantly, it reminded me that I like this particular job (at the time I worked there before I just didn't like the people I worked for), and more importantly I am really good at my job. And when business is thriving and it is crazy-busy like it has been for the past month, this is when I shine. It is really nice to be told over and over and over again "can't you postpone this baby coming? We don't know what we're going to do without you." It is nice to be wanted and needed and to feel appreciated. So work is busy, but I am trying to enjoy my last two weeks as much as I can.

As far as any "complaining" about the pregnancy, I am really not. Every time I say something negative to Anthony about my heartburn or my stretch marks, I always follow it up with "it's all worth it, though" - because it is. I wouldn't trade any of this for the whole world. I really wouldn't. I would be thrilled if Amanda decided to make her debut early, but all in all I am happier than I can remember in a long, long time.

I recently said to Anthony how lucky I feel. I told him, in about a month, I am going to have EVERYTHING I ever wanted in life. EVERYTHING. How many people truly get to say that? How many people can stop, evaluated their life, and say "I have everything I need to make me happy. I don't need anything else." I am guessing it is a pretty rare thing, but that is how I feel these days. All I ever, EVER wanted, was to marry a good man, have a nice comfortable home, and have a baby. Assuming Amanda arrives without complications or problems - assuming she is a healthy baby girl when she is born - all my dreams will have come true. I have a great house, the best husband I could have EVER hoped for, and a cute little one coming soon.

I don't need anything else in my life. Anything more would just be gravy.

How lucky I am indeed.

So please be patient with me if my posts are sporadic at best. I want to try to post more, and in a matter of weeks I will have a lot more time on my hands. (Unless of course she gets here sooner than the due date!)