Anthony hasn't been exercising since October, I think. Right around the time of the whole job-change, home selling-and-buying period in our lives, he cancelled his gym membership and hasn't done anything since.
So I got home from work in a record 45 minute commute from Boston (why was there no traffic?) and was greeted by my husband, who announced that he is fat and gross and that he was going for a run.
My response?
"You can't wait four more days until I can join you?"
Yeah, talk about the power of positive thinking, huh? On Friday, I go in to the clinic for my beta. I ASSUME I will get a big fat negative, and that I will be cleared to resume a lifestyle that occasionally includes cardio.
So he's off running right now, (and good for him! He has always been an exercise freak and I have been WAITING for him to get out of this rut, for his own happiness more than anything. I think he looks perfect right now, and NOT fat and gross!) and I am jealous. I wish I could have gone with him.
If you can believe it, I have a list compiled. A list of everything I am going to do after I get my "no - you're not pregnant" answer on Friday. As I have said on many, many occasions, being infertile and going through treatments puts your entire life on hold, and I am sick to death of playing this waiting game not only with child-rearing but with every other aspect of my life, as well. There are SO many things I want to do, that I cannot, because we're still in IVF mode. My list of things I am going to do (starting Friday night) is getting long, too.
I will share some of it with you, if you are at all curious.
1.
Do something about my hair. No lie, I haven't had my hair cut and colored since the fall. My last appointment, in fact, was in September I think! I have split ends like you read about, and at least 3 inches of dark roots. It is so gross! Now that the calendar has officially declared that it is springtime, I can go summer-blonde again. I cannot wait. I may even do a new style too - what the hell, why not?
2.
Get more exercise - a TON more. I can't wait to start going to spinning classes again. And more important, I can't wait to build up my stamina through spinning, rather than doing it for a few weeks and just as I am starting to get my wind, have to stop because we're beginning another IVF cycle. I want to do it, and get better and better and better at it.
3.
I want to train for some spring road races. I am not kidding that I am jealous right now that my husband is out running without me. I would love to be training for a 5 or 10K right now.
4.
I need to lose weight! I am thinking about joining Weight Watchers, because I think the South Beach Diet is just too restrictive and I find it hard to stick with. Ironically, we may be going to South Beach in June, yet I won't be using the South Beach Diet to become South Beach-ready. But, one way or another, I need to lose weight. The thought of walking around South Beach in a bathing suit in THIS body makes me shudder. Gross!
5.
I need a drink! I would kill for a glass of wine right now. Kill! This will probably be the first thing on my list that gets accomplished, starting the moment I arrive home from work on Friday night!
6.
Go tanning! What can I say, summer is on the brain. There has just been too much damn snow this year, and a few visits to a tanning salon will leave me feeling sunny, even if the weather isn't cooperating as quickly as I would like it to.
7.
Buy a car. Yup, Anthony and I are going car shopping IF we get the big "No" on Friday. We currently own both cars outright, but they both are getting old. We don't want to commit ourselves to a monthly payment if, in nine months, I won't be working anymore. But if, as always, the baby is nowhere in sight, we're ready to commit to a car payment for the sake of having more reliable transportation.
8.
Go to Washington, DC. A friend of mine who recently moved to DC invited me to come visit her some weekend. I am not going to commit myself to an 8-hour each way drive, or purchase airline tickets, if I am expecting. Therefore, I expect a trip to DC is in my near future.
9.
Get some new spring / summer wardrobe items. Again, I don't want to go buy myself a ton of new clothes that could potentially be outgrown in two months (and not due to fat-dom). But I am dying to go shopping! This might be the second thing I do.
10.
Treat myself to a day at the spa. This is the best item on my list, I think. I expect to be sad, come Friday. I think it would be a nice thing for me to do for myself, to give me some "me" time. A facial, a massage, maybe a wrap or a mudbath, a manicure / pedicure - it all sounds like heaven to me.
Hmmm...I sure am doing a hell of a good job looking on the bright side, huh? Not that I still won't absolutely fall to pieces when I get the once again heartbreaking news.
And...this time I absolutely refuse to take a preemptive home pregnancy test. I refuse.
I will learn my fate when the clinic calls me on Friday, and not a minute sooner.
