A FEW MEASLEY DETAILS
It has been a long time since I have posted a real, thorough update, because the details are just too damn upsetting. But, I realize that I have left a lot of dangling chads out there, so to speak. I owe it to myself and to my readers to sort out all that has been going on lately, if for no other reason than to remind myself that it probably can’t get much worse.
So to sum up what has been going on on all fronts lately, here it goes:
IVF #2
So when last I posted we were gearing up to begin our second IVF in mid-December with the birth control pills, which would bring us to egg retrieval and embryo transfer around mid-January. This sounded perfect to me – I was able to take a break, but not too long of a break.
Well, the fact that it seemed perfect is probably why it isn’t going to happen. Or should I say, may not happen.
I had to go to the clinic this morning to get a blood draw to test me for immunity from Rubella and Measles. Why we are doing this now, I don’t know. Anyways, apparently we all get this vaccination as children and it is supposed to last a lifetime, but recently doctors are learning that once people reach the age of thirty they may in fact no longer be carrying the antibodies which make us immune. Therefore we are supposed to get re-vaccinated. (Did anyone else know this?) The blood test today is looking for the antibodies. If I have them, then we are still on track for next month. But, if I don’t, I will need to get re-vaccinated and once I have had this shot I cannot try to get pregnant for a full three months! THREE MONTHS! That is too long of a break for me. I mean, the clock is ticking, people! Not to mention that my insurance mandates that in order for me to have coverage for this second cycle, the embryo transfer needs to happen within six months of when we did the first IVF. In other words, my next embryo transfer needs to happen on or before February 21st. If I need a Rubella vaccination, that will throw this schedule completely out of whack. However, I spoke with my insurance liaison at the clinic and she said because of the circumstances she can probably request an extension and most likely it will be granted, so that we are still covered.
But still…it is the principal. For starters, why wasn’t this an issue in June when we did our first IUI? Or in October, when we did our first IVF? Today all the nurses emphasized how it is “essential” that I not get pregnant for 3 months after this particular vaccination. First of all, no problem, because the chances of me getting pregnant on my own are slim to none. But I am just so frustrated – I feel like every time I think I am taking a step forward, that I end up taking three steps backward. Every day that I am not cycling I am further and further away from getting my kid.
PLAN B
A few posts ago (which, these days, means WEEKS ago), I had mentioned that a wrench had been thrown into our Plan B. I was remiss in following up with any details, and received several comments basically stating how sorry you all were that my Plan B had gone awry. The truth is, the wrench is not a bad thing. In fact, by all counts it is a very good thing, it just confused matters.
Because the thing is, when I sat to write the post about Plan B, it was like I was saying “Okay, I have made a decision. This is the plan, this is what I am sticking with, and I am so sure about it I am going to post this decision to the internet for all the world to see.” Better yet, my brain started to adjust to this new plan as reality – one more IVF, and if it fails, we adopt. Period. End of story.
Except that I am actually covered by insurance for 4 additional IVF cycles, and an unlimited amount of FET’s, provided we have any embryos left over at some point to freeze. (Our embryos from IVF #1 didn’t make it, they had all arrested by Day 5.) The truth is I am lucky to have such insurance coverage, I really really am.
But I had a new plan. Maybe not the ideal plan, but a plan nevertheless. Can I DO 5 more IVF's? That could take YEARS. I am going to be thirty-four next month. I need my child. I need my child soon, I need my child now. Just how important is it to me that I experience pregnancy? Well, very, or I wouldn't be doing any of this. But. At what point is it time to "get over it" and move on to other solutions? I thought I was ready to. I still may be.
But now I am not as certain.
There are other big things going on in my life that require updates; the "problem," for one, and the home selling & purchase, for another.
Not tonight. It is just so frustrating and so exhausting I can only do this in dribs and drabs for now.
