I just took a moment to go back and read what I wrote last year on Thanksgiving, on 11/26/2004, to see what a difference a year makes. I remember being absolutely miserable at this time last year, but interestingly enough I did stop my bitching for all of five minutes to say thank you for the things I had: my health, my husband, a potential new home, insurance coverage for my IVF treatments, and our families. At least, back then, through all the "bad," I had some clarity.
This year however, as I sit in my office in my "new" home looking out at the street where the first real significant snowfall is coming down hard outside, I don't have to search too hard to find things to be thankful for.
I am thankful for my pregnancy (despite all the discomfort and complaints I may have registered about it - despite the fact that, now that I have "been" pregnant I officially have declared that I need never go through this again). I am eternally grateful that somehow our "final" IVF worked and I did in fact get to experience pregnancy - whether or not I enjoyed the experience is 100% irrelevant - I still am thankful to have had it and wouldn't trade it for anything.
I am thankful that in the next 8 days (and hopefully not much longer) I am going to meet one of the most important people in my life - my child.
I am thankful that I spent this past year getting to know an extremely important person in my life - my Godchild Kayleigh, who has brought more joy and more smiles to our entire family than one would think a single solitary little person would be capable of.
I am thankful for the absolutely wonderful year that I had, especially in contrast to the incredibly difficult year I had last year. It reminds me that times won't always be good - life is full of rough patches - and when I DO have good times, I'd better damn well acknowledge them!
I am thankful for my husband, who once again has proven to me what a wonderful person he truly is. To see how the impending arrival of this baby has already transformed him to "proud father" is incredible. He has been SO good with me during my pregnancy, and when he tells me every day that he can't wait to hold and snuggle little Amanda, I know he means it. I don't even mind that I am about to become the second most important woman in his life. It is a spot I will gladly give up in place of our daughter.
I am thankful for how wonderful our families have been throughout our entire journey to get to this point - back in March when the doctors told us we were never going to achieve pregnancy and that we were never going to be able to have a "biological" child, both my family and Anthony's family cried with us, allowed us to lean on them, and provided tremendous support for us regarding whatever decisions we needed to make about growing our future family. In a way, Amanda is almost a prize for them for being so wonderfully supportive of us during our time of need. And if you could see the anticipation that all of these family members have with regards to this baby, it is incredible. This kid is already so loved and is dangerously close to being already very spoiled by her aunts & uncles, and her 3 sets of grandparents. It is a wonderful thing for Anthony and I to sit back and observe - the joy that this little bundle who isn't even born yet has already brought to our families. It is incredible.
So in what I hope is sharp contrast to last year, I can only say that I have a hell of a lot to be thankful for this year, and I completely acknowledge it. I am as grateful as a person could possibly be.
I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. Now if we could just get this baby out early, then all my dreams would really come true!!!! (just kidding).
