TIMES, THEY ARE A CHANGIN'
It has been a while since I posted any updates about what has been going on with my life, so I am going to try to do one giant update here on everything that is relevant, irrelevant, or otherwise. I hope it isn't too boring, but since my life is somewhat boring....
And believe me, I am NOT complaining. In the fall I would have KILLED for boring. Boring is a hell of a lot better than stressed-to-the-max!
All right, here is what is happening with me:
IVF -
Remarkably, I am jumping right back on the horse, almost immediately. The policy with my clinic is that they never allow patients to do back-to-back IVF cycles, probably to give our bodies a rest from all the massive amounts of hormones we are pumping into our systems. Fair enough. However, apparently since we never made it to embryo transfer with IVF#2, a back-to-back cycle is allowed.
I spoke with my RE on Tuesday to see what the committee had determined had happened with me this time with my crazy cycle. Their conclusion, not surprisingly, is that they don't have a fricken' clue what went wrong. Alas, as they said before, it was just an anomaly. However, they also think that perhaps my body is no longer going to respond to this same protocol. Fool me once, etc. So they are changing everything up on me for IVF #3 and switching me from a long protocol to what they called a "micro-flare" protocol or something like that. She explained to me the differences but they seem subtle at best. Nevertheless she told me I can start "as soon as my next period" which will be any day now, and I thought that was just fantastic news. It was TOO long of a break the last time, between IVF's 1 and 2, but the break was a necessity, what with the house fiasco and Christmas and everything. So I will be back on wonderful birth control pills any day now. Oh joy!
The Job Situation -
Yeah, so next Friday (one week from today) is my last day here. I gave my notice on Monday.
And I will be returning to Old Company.
I solicited advice and opinions from you, and received many! And I must say, many of those opinions were "DON'T GO BACK TO YOUR FORMER EMPLOYER!" And I appreciate all of your candor and honesty and concern.
My decision (not that I need to explain myself, I just want to) was not primarily based on money. It was to a good extent, but not 100%. I actually think I have an advantage returning to a known quantity. I know the players, I know the business, I know the way they operate, etc. I know EXACTLY what to expect. And knowing that is half the battle.
There were a lot of things wrong when I used to work there. A lot. But being away for two and a half years has given me some perspective on what went wrong when I worked there. Working at another company also gave me some perspective. Many of the things I complained about when I used to work there it turns out are things I actually had control over, I just didn't realize it at the time.
Like, for example, the fact that I used to work on average between 70 and 80 hours a week. I was always angry about that, and I had a lot of frustration with the company about it. It wasn't until I came to work at another company and started noticing the same pattern developing - that I would be the last person in the office at night, that I would start to get frustrated about it - and then it hit me.
It is this way because I allow it to be this way.
It is within MY control to end the cycle.
I would get jealous at my old job that my colleagues could all walk out the door at 5:00PM and go enjoy their lives, and I couldn't. I couldn't go to the gym, I couldn't schedule anything ever for my evenings because invariably I would be "stuck at work." The truth is, what would happen if I just stood up at 5:00PM every day and went home? Or went to the gym? Would the world end? No. Would I get fired? No.
When the same pattern began to develop here at the new job, I put the kaibosh on it as soon as I recognized it. It was a liberating realization, truly, and most nights I walk out of here at 5:00PM on the dot, whether I am comfortable with doing so or not.
The thing is, if I can apply what I learned about myself at the new job to the old job, I think I will be okay. I really and truly do.
The other part of this whole job thing is the Anthony-factor. The whole him-not-working-there-anymore kind of thing. I have to admit, the more I think about it I think it is actually a good thing that he isn't there now that I am returning. For many, many reasons.
When I left there in September of 2002, we quickly realized within a matter of weeks how wonderful it was to not work together anymore. Working together was all the two of us ever knew - we met at that company, became friends at that company, we dated, moved in together, got engaged, got married at that company. Half of the employees of that company were at our wedding. We also would have relationship issues at work, and fights at work, and work disagreements which carried over into our home life, etc. As much as it was all we ever knew, it was a wonderful thing to not have it anymore when it was over. I think it was just TOO MUCH TOGETHERNESS. There really is such a thing.
Additionally, Anthony was an executive there. And I was an admin person. There were many, many rungs between us on the corporate ladder. Which was all fine and good. Except. Except that we'd talk - the way married couples do, when they are home having dinner and talking about their day - and we'd talk about a place we both worked at, but a place that sounded very different when coming from our two unique perspectives.
For example, I would criticize decisions that the management made, and suddenly become awkwardly aware that not only was Anthony management, but the decision that I was critical of was a decision that HE made! And on the flip side, I knew things about the company, about my colleagues, that a person who was not in upper management just shouldn't know. He was always professional, and we never discussed things such as people's salaries or anything like that. But I knew who the owners liked, who they disliked, I knew when layoffs were happening BEFORE they happened and who was going to receive the ax, etc. I had a lot of stress because of this. I knew way too much. I learned, by working elsewhere, that when it comes to all that high-level corporate stuff, ignorance is bliss.
Not knowing anything can be liberating. I mean, it was scary watching a few lay-offs happen here and saying "Wow, I didn't see THAT coming!" But I certainly preferred that to knowing about it for the week leading up to it and looking people in the eye that I knew had no idea they were about to lose their jobs.
I guess what I am trying to say in a very long-winded way is that when I worked at Old Company before, I had so many emotions wrapped up in that place that it was so much more than a place I worked - it was a way of life. It WAS my life. When I went to work at New Company, it was "A JOB." That was all it was ever intended to be, because I always said this place was supposed to be a temporary pit-stop for me until I got pregnant (two years later, here I sit). If I can go back to Old Company but treat it as "just a job," I think it will be fine.
I really, really do.
And I have a lot of friends there that I truly miss and that I am looking forward to working with again.
And maybe I will get pregnant and this will end up being temporary anyways.
HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! That's a good one!!!!
The House -
I promised I would post pictures of our house once we got settled, and I still haven't done so. There are still many rooms without curtains, and some rooms still without furniture! Nevertheless, I do need to take and post some pictures soon, and I will do so. Bottom line, though, I love love love our house so much. It is one of the best decisions Anthony and I have made together in a long, long time. And aside from the 6 inches of water in our basement during the blizzard last weekend (long story, not really worth getting into) we haven't had many issues at all. It has been very pleasant living in our new house.
I like pleasant.
Hmmm...not very exciting reading, I know. But that is what is going on with me. I took the week of February 7th off before I start at the new job on February 14th. Lord knows I could use a vacation, even if it is unpaid. Maybe I can spend some time with my beautiful godchild Kayleigh over that week, who turned one month old yesterday. One month! It is funny to me that she is a month old, because I can barely remember a time that she wasn't around, that she wasn't a part of our lives. I love her so much. That little girl has helped me in ways she'll never fully know. She makes me very, very happy, and even though she isn't my baby, she is more important to me than I will ever be able to fully express.
