We went to the beach yesterday, it was the first trip we've managed to make there all summer. It ended up being the perfect beach day - the sun was out, there were ZERO clouds, and most of all there was a cool breeze, so it didn't feel hot. Nothing like the ridiculous howling winds we encountered on the beaches in Aruba in March - just a light breeze that barely messed my hair up but kept me at a very comfortable temperature. Thus, my resulting sunburn, since we stayed in the sun longer than normal because it just didn't feel like a scorching beach day. Worst of all, I was reading and needed to have my sunglasses on (again, no clouds) and now I have raccoon eyes. Nice.
Anyways, it was myself, my husband, and his friend R. R is a great guy, and it was his suggestion that we all go to the beach together. I was reluctant at first because lately I have been hibernating, keeping away from friends, because it is too hard to deal with being social these days. But I finally dragged my ass out of bed a mere ten minutes before R showed up, giving me barely enough time to shower and fill my beach bag with the day's necessities. As it was, after driving one block down the street we had to turn around and come back because I forgot my wallet.
Anyways, a good portion of the morning was spent with me listening to Anthony jealously ask R questions about his upcoming week. R spent most of his adult life waiting tables in pursuit of his dream - to work in the broadcasting world of sports. In the past couple of years, his dream has been realized, and he now works consistently at all sorts of sports venues and events, interviewing and rubbing elbows with professional athletes, travelling all over the country to attend (work at) some of the most sought after sporting events in the professional sports world. His years of hard work has paid off, and it is great.
Anthony elbowed R a few times and said "Tell Dawn where you are going this week!" I didn't like the excitement in Anthony's voice and knew it meant some sort of trouble.
R turned a bit red in the cheeks, looked down at the sand, and confessed "I am travelling with ESPN on Tuesday to tape a boxing show at the Playboy Mansion." A-ha! No wonder Anthony seemed all jealous. In a careful-not-to-upset-me kind of way, he wasn't overdoing it or anything.
"That's GREAT!" I exclaimed to R, who was a bit surprised by my reaction. Come on, I am not a guy, but I totally understand that the chance to go to the Playboy Mansion is a once in a lifetime opportunity - especially for someone who isn't independently wealthy or a celebrity. And since R isn't my husband, I was happy for him!
Anthony said, "Oh, so if you're so happy for him, that means I can go as his guest right?"
"Nope, R is single, and I need you at home this week. Sorry!"
Anyhow, I cannot for the life of me remember how we got from the topic of Playboy Bunnies to babies, but somehow (as it always seems to when I am around people) the baby subject came up. R knows we've been trying for a while. It was then that he mentioned how thrilled his sister J and her husband B are with their little baby girl.
Huh?
Anthony and I looked at each other. I didn't know J very well, but Anthony did, and we had no idea they had a baby. We had no idea she was pregnant. "J has a baby?" Anthony inquired.
"Yes, they adopted a 14-month old girl from China. The tried for a long time to have a baby, and when that didn't work out they decided to try this route. Her name is Isabella, but we all call her 'Bella.'"
Wow. Wow wow wow. I couldn't believe the tirade of questions I started hurtling at R. I didn't realize I had so many questions.
You see, Anthony and I have discussed "the worst-case scenario" many times in the past, and for us we decided that if I couldn't get pregnant with a child that was biologically mine and his, then we weren't having kids. So what's up with all my questions?
I couldn't stop asking him for every detail, how she felt after making this decision, how long did the process take from start to finish, etc. Anthony looked a little startled, although R probably didn't notice, it is one of those expressions of his that only I can interpret. Soon, Anthony asked if I wanted to take a walk.
Uh oh. I probably scared the crap out of Anthony. I mean, hadn't we already decided against this option?
You see, I am learning so much about myself as I go through this whole process, and one of the most important things I have learned is that you NEVER KNOW what you are going to do in a given situation UNTIL YOU ARE IN IT. Never in a million years did I anticipate having trouble conceiving a child, but now that I am in it my perspective on the whole world has changed. And maybe, just maybe, I will change my opinion about the whole adoption thing if the day ever comes that I am ACTUALLY faced with the prospect of NO CHILDREN. Hmm....
"It is certainly something we can look into....maybe you can talk to J about it and get some information. You know...if we get to that point." Funny, without even having to explain myself Anthony was thinking the same thing. "I mean, if we really can't have ANY children on our own, this would give us an alternative. Not the ideal exact situation that we hoped for, but a wonderful experience nonetheless, right?"
I nodded. These days we don't need to exchange many words to remain exactly in sync with the other's exact feelings.
"But not until we're there. We still have lots of treatments ahead of us." I agreed.
Wonderful day at the beach, it was. I wonder, while R is romping around at the Playboy Mansion, if he has any idea how much his conversation with me this weekend has helped me to open my eyes. It doesn't have to be "my way or the highway." There are other ideas, other ways, other options. No need to explore them until we are there, but how silly would I be to not even allow myself to CONSIDER other possibilities? I mean, not everything in life always goes EXACTLY the way you plan.
After all, isn't that what makes life so interesting?
